a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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