I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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