i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
How external is "for external use only"?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
