Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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