READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
