he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
