I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize