he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
