Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
