found the other keg... it's in the tree
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
