I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
