i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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