Dude my mom stole all your condoms
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize