He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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