She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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