Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
then he tried to convert me to islam
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
