ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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