Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Is it because I queefed?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
