I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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