im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I want her autograph on my taint
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
