just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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