Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
