Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
