I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
