community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
