did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
