Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My pussy is not your playground.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
