hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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