I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
My pussy is not your playground.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
