Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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