God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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