his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
