If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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