You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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