I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
