oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
