I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
