I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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