from now on my penis is your penis
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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