Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
