I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
