I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
