my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
