My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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