After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
