My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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