so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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