I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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