I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
