I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
