Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
