Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
