Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
