I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
