im drinking this country out of the recession.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
