So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
