I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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