I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
