well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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