I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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