i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
