I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
