I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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