Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
