Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
