So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
