what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
