SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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