Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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